Why Don't We Talk About This?

For one thing, we like to think of ourselves as intelligent, independent, worldly people and somehow it feels like weakness to admit when we are struggling.   Another factor in our hesitation to discuss the difficulties we have is denial, often subconscious. If we keep ourselves busy and entertained with the everyday issues, we never have time to think about what we’re feeling.

Many communicate their difficulty with China in a very socially acceptable manner - through complaints: griping, sarcastic jokes, “you know you’ve been in China too long when…” lists, etc. Sharing your difficulties with friends & acquaintances who can relate to what you’re going through is healthy, but when you find that people are always talking about people from your host culture and their behaviours in a negative manner, give a minute to help them and yourself.  Try and figure out what might influence a certain situation or type of behaviour from all points of view.  Most importantly try to be less judgmental. When you experience a situation you don’t understand, try to calm those negative feelings (not stop them, they’re natural) and then (if appropriate) communicate in a specific, non-judgmental way how you understand the situation, and try to find out how the other people involved see the situation. Taking a little time to gain a greater understanding will almost certainly make you feel more at ease and better able to cope with the day to day environment you are living in.

¹Taken from the Consular Affairs publication Working Abroad: Unravelling the Maze